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Friday, February 8, 2008

So this is what's happening

This struck me:

For one thing, narcissists don't abuse anyone they fear retribution from. They typically go to great lengths to make a lover totally dependent on them, financially and emotionaly, isolating the victim from his or her family and former friends before the narcissist's mask comes off and the abuse begins. Count on it: narcissists are brave enough to abuse only someone they already have over a barrel.

This explains why, the first time I raised my arm to protect myself, the hitting and slapping abuse stopped, and manipulation became her main tool.

The narcissist Sam Vaknin says the same, though in an abstract way:

I compared Narcissistic Supply to drugs because of the almost involuntary and always-unrestrained nature of the pursuit involved in securing it. ...The narcissist rates people around him according to whether they can provide him with Narcissistic Supply or not. As far as the narcissist is concerned, those who fail this simple test do not exist. They are two-dimensional cartoon figures. Their feelings, needs and fears are of no interest or importance.

This explains the weird way she has been acting lately. She does not even speak to me unless she has to, usually to tell me to do something. Like, yesterday, she called me up to tell me that a family friend has just been diagnosed with cancer, and then she proceeded to tell me that I should send a card and I should call her and when I should do these things. Then she hung on the phone long enough to deliver a few more barbs, to ask me what I had been doing and then pointedly ignore all my news of work, home school, the science fair, etc. Finally she rung off with a simpery remark about how I probably had SO many other, better things to do than talk to her. I was left holding the phone and thinking, "Well, that was weird." But now I get it. She has apparently figured out that I am not going to play into her shit any more, and so now she has given up even the pretext that I have any inherent value as a person. I always suspectd that I did not matter to her. Now I guess I have my proof.

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