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Saturday, December 22, 2007

Confrontation and bouondaries--Part one of ???

Tonight kiddo is going to spend the night at Grandma's house with the cousins. And I am going to have to set the first boundary: no baths. There was always something weird about the way my mother bathed me. I have been holding off saying anything about her bathing Kiddo, because 1) I was not totally sure anything odd was happening 2) Kiddo did not seem upset or bothered in any way by taking baths at Grandma's house and 3) I still want Kiddo to have the experience of Grandma that I had, as far as is possible.

Well, things change and sometimes become clearer. I know I tend to get creeped out easily over issues like bathing or any thing else that concerns my mother. And I know this is partially due to the fact that I don't have a good sense of what is truly creepy and what is not. However, the last time Ted went to my mom's house to pick up kiddo from an over night stay, he got creeped out because mom insisted on giving our child a bath because he got wet in the snow. In the first place, snow is not dirty. A change of clothes should have been enough. A full bath is really, really overkill. In the second place, this kid is almost 7 and has been taking showers alone for a couple of years now. And although Ted told her, a couple of times, that Kiddo should be left alone in the bathroom, she would not back off. We have been watching this behavior carefully since last May, since we were not sure exactly what was going on. Now we are pertty sure there is something odd about the whole situation.

So now I have to consider exactly what I am going to say to her, and how. THe first issue is, I need to establish my boundaries. I want to shout at her, "Quit trying to see my kid naked!" But that sounds childish, so I will porbalby say something along the lines of, "Kiddo is getting older now and he needs his privacy in the bathroom and when he is changing his clothes. Unless he has a specific problem and asks for your help, I don't want you present when he is bathing, using the bathroom, or changing his clothes. He had a bath this morning and I do not want him to have another one tomorrow." Then she will get all in a huff and ask what I am implying. This is where I usually waffle and start sputtering explanations. But I think I will just say "I don't want him to have another bath tomorrow. That's all there is to it." She will go off in a snit, but I don't care. I think that will be enough to solve the immediate problem. I am not really sure how to proceed in the long run because I am pretty sure kiddo is not being in any way harmed.

Drat. I am sooooooo dreading this.


Anonymous said...

If you even suspect anything will happen with your son, he should never be alone with her.

No guilt over her feelings will ever outweigh your guilt over him being abused and suffering from it.

Better he live with limited exposure to her than a lifetime of the memory of what someone who was supposed to love him did. And that his mom 'let it happen'.

CresceNet said...

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